1. Endings & Beginnings...how I got *here*

An Introduction to CC \ the Birth of CCSeer

Where on Earth {or beyond} to start??? This has to be the most overwhelming post of all...how do I start this thing?!!?? How do I explain a lifetime in a quick blog-writing to introduce how I got here and what is yet to come... I definitely don't know. I also definitely don't know if I believe I have to, necessarily, write it all out. --This is an interesting observation, actually...that I consistently and intensely feel a constant need to explain every. single. thing. to every. single. body. -- Wait wait wait -- "just write and it will come" -- okay something's clicking!! Yes, yes:: I'm so preoccupied with explainexplainexplain give the backstory provide the exposition because...omg because, BECAUSE my consciousness remembers that we communicate telepathically and instantaneously in our Light bodies, so spoken/written word is just so SLOW and so horridly, horribly insufficient in capturing the actual Truth!! --OK I'm far, far too ahead of myself now and have undoubtedly lost so many of you, so--hold up, wait a minute (as my two young boys constantly say)--let's just get into the life-story, rewinding a few years to at least make an attempt at setting the stage...

My leftover Thanksgiving dinner for lunch (YUM) on the unassuming afternoon of Monday, November 30, 2020. --I did capture a few adorable moments of my boys that day, but in respect of their anonymity a pic of my food is the best I got for you! A bad pic, too...but holy hell if that meal wasn't *delicious*

Part I: A long-due Ending

November 30, 2020 - the day of my now infamous (and epic) leftover Thanksgiving lunch dish, but also my current lifetime's ground zero. This was a shocking...shocking, shocking shocking, painful ending as well as an unexpected new beginning.

Knee-deep in Covid calamity came the dreaded knock on our front door--which, of course, I didn't answer - it's fricking Covid, but also I'm an {elder} millennial (thank you, Iliza Shlesinger) - I never answer my doorbell, are you kidding me!! So, door-answering being a no-go, next up came the phone call...

The husband of the woman my husband was, completely unbeknownst to me, having an affair with was on the other end of the line. He called to reveal to me this greatest betrayal - my ultimate, life-ending fear - in explicit and disturbing detail.

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There it is again...that horrifically intense urge to want to explain, explainexplainexplain, backstory exposition vomit. So I won't do all that, but I will just briefly say that I was ****completely****shocked**** and had z-e-r-o suspicion that anything in any way was going on. Talk about some waaay way turned down intuition..

Enter Shadow/"Dark Night of my Soul":

PTSD \\ But, also...

Enter Light:

Deep--Deepest--Love. (And, eventually, a new baby! Lovingly referred to as our "Love baby," but more on that in future posts.)

Remember how I just referred to this as a "life-ending" fear? Well...obviously my life has not ended; here I am - and how immeasurably stronger, more loving, more trusting !!!! and more FULL of LIFE I am!

But still, these shadow times ran deep and intense and liked to make themselves known--sometimes constantly, sometimes infrequently. These shadows had much, much to teach not only me but all of us. I did the best that I could at the time and, gratefully, I'm able to look back on myself - and my soulmate - with kindness and grace, despite the ugliness that visited us. While my shadow led me to clinically diagnosed PTSD and exacerbated my existing Panic Disorder (more on this coming in post 3), I feel quite lucky to say that there were just a handful of the more extreme, remotest of dark corners...I'm talking about the kind from which there are no return. I definitely could have been swallowed whole by this, without a doubt...but I wasn't. Though I didn't have the wherewithal to wrap my monkey mind around it at the time, the reason I stayed afloat was no less than the combination of the guiding hand of my higher self and spirit guides alongside the warm hand of my soulmate and his higher self, and the soul contract that we made before entering this lifetime--which, btw, we determinedly will fulfill before we exit, because that's how we roll.

I don't want to lose here that those four years were fraught with challenge and difficulty. I also don't want to lose that they were, indeed, a necessary part of my path -- and our path -- which isn't to excuse the reality of what went on because yes, there were any number of other decisions and forks this same path could have laced through that didn't necessarily have to inflict that kind of pain. Soul contracts and life's purposeful lessons are borne from our higher selves on the other side but they are woven HERE from our FREE WILL. Free will is ALWAYS available to us and always determines exactly how we weave our journey. But the liberation comes in the recognition that both my soul partner and my self needed to undergo a significant, life-altering transformation to step into our authentic selves - the ones we had forgotten and made so many dark turns in desperate efforts to find. This shadow work was critical to our lives individually as well as together; we each separately and jointly made the choices that led to how, exactly, our rediscovery played out...but play out it must.

If anyone is wondering how, HOW how how CC, how could you forgive your soulmate for the ultimate betrayal? Well, here again we come to the impossible task of needing to explain but no words doing anything close to justice. Suffice to say, I will elaborate on our soulmate connection in post 3 but, because we partnered our shadow with true dedication & pure, crystalline Love...we were able to weather the dark rockiness to reach a far more abundant, amazing, and awe-some love-scape in this lifetime -- one of many that we have traveled together and, maybe, will continue to travel together past this one. In no way did it need to take adultery to get here...no, I did not deserve that (nor did he deserve to betray himself like that) -- but here is much, much better than where we were, and that is why we are here together, not apart.

There is, actually, another important component to our healing and I want to pause for a beat to give major props and gratitude to all our friends and family, who didn't skip a beat in accepting and supporting us on this journey as we, husband and wife, soul to soul, built a new and far more incredible life together. Many, many thanks to the dozens of beautiful souls who never hesitated and threw their love and support at us, at every twist and turn <3<3<3

Let's FF now, out of icky infidelity and into the next and latest major shift in my Universe -

September 1, 2024:

Another very distinct demarcation of a new beginning...which, unfortunately, meant I had to endure another extremely painful, shocking Truth revealed into Light...

Sigh. Yeah, another one - but no, NOT an affair nor anything like that - another quite powerful shadow demanding transmutation. One day I will be able to speak openly about this one but for now, privacy rules my family's roost <3 To summarize...this f*cking sucked.

BUT...this was the one - the peak, the pinnacle, the ending--or, more aptly--the COMPLETION. My awakening could now truly begin, and for that I will never have regret nor ill-will nor anything other than utter gratitude. THANK GOD...thank God <3

Part II: a New Beginning (of an Old, forgotten way)

The stage was set by the dark night of my Soul and all that I had to come through to get to this point, but while shadow was around me I was not always, constantly immersed in darkness. There were many lovely, downright f*cking beautiful times, as well as significant developments on my path; one being a sudden and intense infatuation with all things UFO/UAP/ET this past 2024 summer. Along with shadow, this new interest led directly to where I am today.

In nothing less than Divine plan, my sister and I shared a phone call (which may sound run-of-the-mill but that in itself is out of the ordinary, as we almost never kept in contact like that...at least not prior to this pivotal moment). On this phone call, my sister was delighted to learn that I found myself suddenly taken by the realization that alien lifeforms were not so "alien" after all - understandable given my vehement stubbornity regarding anything outside of my materialist tunnel vision. Then, she gently mused to me...paraphrasing here:

"It's interesting that you're so accepting of the ET stuff but still so against anything about God or Spirituality."

Hmph.

How those two connected, I did not understand and I did not LIKE. No, it was one thing to believe in the scientific possibility of life outside of Earth, but an entirely unrelated and STUPID, ignorant, **WEAK** thing to believe in a fake being in the sky and the ridiculosity of all things religious or spiritual.

Ohh the anger...the anger, the anger. When I look back on all of that raging indignation, I see the actual root . . . pain. Pure and simple. I see a consciousness that went to sleep, a human body that belied the truth of our Light-being. I was so angry because I was actually desperately, desperately sad -- longing for the Light and Love and Truth that I knew way, way, way waywayway deep down stuffed buried inside, but I couldn't see or access back then. It was a desperate longing...a yearning for what I knew should be, but no matter what I did...couldn't find.

So, the anger persisted. I knew my sister didn't mean her pondering to vex me, and that's what helped me feel a bit more deeply into what she presented. I sat with the anger in a way that I never had before, and became curious. I still railed against any notion that a God or Gods or ANYTHING in that vein existed, but I kept thinking back to my sister's words...the gift of a lifetime that she gave to me, simply in posing that innocent question.

At the same time this was happening, Netflix decided to re-bombard me with a docuseries that it tried pushing on me 3 years ago: Surviving Death. Night after night I angrily scrolled past the title and even shared with my sister how annoying it was that now Netflix was forcing this bs on me.

Then my sister came for a visit.

While we sat on the couch looking for my favorite stand-up comedy specials to catch her up on, there it kept showing up again...Surviving Death Surviving Death. She tittered at my persistent ire (yes I am 5 and I very purposefully used the verb "titter" here) and poked around at my misguided hate just seeing the title "Surviving Death," but then something strange happened . . . I played the trailer.

My sister recognized the first woman featured in the trailer as the author of a book she had read years ago (regarding the same NDE spotlighted in the first episode of the series) and this got me a little further hooked into watching...learning more..

Later that night and after my sister left, I found myself alone without children or husband to distract me. And somewhere in the "safety" of solus...I decided to test the waters and turn the documentary on...

All it took was, I'll guesstimate, 2 short minutes. Then I was off man, I was GONE, way out into the ether where I felt like I've been trying to back get to for three decades, back home. HOME!!!!!!! How warm and comforting and unconditionally Loving! I cannot stress enough this feeling of arriving back where my heart, my true essence and consciousness, exists, after too many long, hard, despairing years of forgetting. --Not just forgetting, but FIGHTING, fighting against this knowing; angry, angry, angered and embittered.

And what did it take to arrive here??? What so abruptly and unexpectedly cracked me WIDE the F open to lovingly, comfortingly embrace me and start the whispers of how to help myself remember again? Was it that this first woman's story was so immediately compelling? Was it that after so many shocks to my system that I finally negatively "cracked," or "went crazy?" Or was it that I was primed . . . after fighting through my dark night of the Soul, after recognizing the synchronicities absolutely *exploding* all around {and within} me, after finding some measure of surrender, I gave the Universe permission to ever-so-slightly help me open the tiniest corner of my spiritual eyes? <--Yes, this last is where the magic, literally, is; in allowing my mind to expand, even just a smidgen, the Truth of my being commissioned itself to start flowing--then flooding, rushing--back to my consciousness.

It has been a process, waking up; perhaps intensely short by some standards, but it is a process - still proceeding as I write this today. It is definitely not a straight line, to be sure, but it is a trajectory out of dormancy, out of PTSD, out of Panic and Anxiety Disorders and away from dwelling in shadow but turning, always, toward the Light (and then stumbling, like I even did just this morning, but always turning right back towards the Light again).

And what is "the Light" that I refer to seemingly only vaguely and figuratively?

Love. Pure, pure, crystalline Love. For me, Love is the name/idea/term/divinity that expresses the singularity of all existence -- it all started from Love, and in the end it all goes back to Love. If you really want to pretzel your mind...ALL power, even hate-fueled and nonlove power, all power is possible because of Love. ...But more on those paradoxical philosophies realities scientifics to come..

As I traverse this amazing and infinite landscape, I will document as much as I can through these posts -- I am not even sure why, I just know that I am supposed to do this right now.

So, if you are still reading...know that you were supposed to read this -- I don't know why, and perhaps you don't know why (yet) either, but we are supposed to find each other in this way -- and for that...I honor you, and I thank you. <3